The LYB Bun-Loving Blog

If you are reading this blog, you likely already know very well that Love Your Buns founder, Sara DCamp passed away on October 15, 2021 after battling colorectal cancer for over five years. And odds are, if you are reading this blog you have already most likely read at least a couple of my entries where I talk a bit about my grieving experience after losing my dear wife and best friend.

What you might have been wondering about though – what does this all mean for Love Your Buns? Has it been on pause, or are we winding down, or are we coming back in full force?

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par·ox·ysm /ˈperəkˌsizəm/
noun

1. a sudden attack or violent expression of a particular emotion or activity. "a paroxysm of weeping"

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I joked with Callum yesterday that he needs to make it his life goal to figure out how to bend space/time so we can go back in the past and save his mother. It sounds well and good, but what are the implications of such actions? And was this God’s will?

We can’t make sense of God’s plan, where God has specific plans for us, or where we have free will to determine our own fates. Without an understanding of those things, how can we possibly attempt to challenge this?

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Much love to you all on this Thanksgiving Day.

My kids and I are doing our best, not to move on. In fact, it might sound odd, but we’re doing everything we can to never move on from this. Our love for her is just too important to try to forget and move on with life.

I’ll admit, I have led a privileged life. I won’t go into all of the reasons why I am privileged right this second – but yes I am aware of this reality, and have always been thankful for the blessings in my life. Naming what I have been thankful for has been a good way in the past for me to make sure I’m not taking life, and my privileges, for granted.

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Sara, yep, me again. Sorry I can’t seem to stop writing. Hopefully I am not annoying everyone too much.

I was so grateful to find the recordings of your senior recital. To listen again to your gorgeous clarinet playing, such a great warm tone, impeccable articulation, and impressive technical skill. It made me ponder why you ever stopped playing clarinet.

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There aren’t really any answers to these questions, since we aren’t omnipotent. And even if there were answers - would it help? No, I think it would only hurt in an extremely significant way.

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I just want to say real quick - I really, really HATE cancer.

21 years ago today my cousin and truly one of my best friends Rachel Paulson passed away at 16 years old after a year and a half battle with cancer. And today I recall this loss with vivid recollection of the swirling confusion and emotional upheaval that came with it.

Also today we are celebrating the life of Bruce Smith, Sara’s uncle, who battled colorectal cancer for nine years.

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Why did it have to happen to you? You were one of the good ones. The great ones.

You were a radiant example of what it means to be a good person, you were always kind, empathetic, and generous-hearted. You openly shared your love, joy and faith with so many people. You inspired us and helped many of us become better humans. So why are these the qualities that apparently lead to a fate that ought to be reserved for the wicked?

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Today was Sara's birthday. She would have been 39 years old today. She would have gone with me to Red Lobster for her birthday dinner tonight where she would have had crab legs, and probably a baked potato. She would have wished that she could eat the cheddar biscuits, which she couldn't because they have gluten in them and she had celiac disease. And she would have wished she could eat a house salad with ranch, which she could not eat due to her low anterior resection syndrome, which is a series of debilitating symptoms that came as side effects from her original cancer treatment and surgery. She would have wanted her whole family to be there, but also wouldn't want to make a big deal out of it.

I know these things with high confidence because I knew my wife and to be so attached to one another as we were, we could make similar such statements like this about a wide array of things and was a true testament to our relationship. But how well I know, or knew Sara suddenly feels increasingly at risk of damage or erosion, which apparently is all part of the grieving grand plan?

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I know these aren’t rational thoughts. But my brain isn’t trying to be rational. I guess it is denial. But I’ve also already accepted that she’s gone. I know this to be true. I was with her when she died. And yet the core of my being aches to be with every version of her that I’ve ever known.

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Her efforts with Love Your Buns have been highly impactful, lauded as having saved lives and improving the patient treatment experience. She received the Colorectal Cancer Champion of the Year award in 2020 from the North Dakota Colorectal Cancer Roundtable and was a YWCA Woman of the Year nominee in 2020.

Sara was fully devoted to her family and to God. She had powerful faith that lifted the spirits of those around her, and her faithfulness was unwavering, regardless of the challenges she faced in life.

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When Sara and I started Love Your Buns in 2018, we came up with a million ideas of how a project or organization like Love Your Buns could impact the world. I like to think we’ve achieved some of them. One of the key ideas Sara always wanted to keep central to Love Your Buns, was ‘an inside look into the patient experience’. Although every patient’s experience is unique, providing others with as many details as we could about Sara’s treatment journey could provide insights to others on how to approach a problem with their oncologist, or what questions to ask around clinical trials.

Sara has continued to think about others as she traverses this moment in her life - and in her selflessness, she asked that I provide additional updates to this blog throughout her journey. I hope this entry is a meaningful contribution to her story.

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Amidst a pandemic where many patients are actively avoiding non-essential procedures, we’re reminded by recent data that there is a significantly increased risk of advanced stage CRC with delays in diagnosis.

The delays in screening in April resulted in a reduction in the rate of CRC diagnosis by 32%, and while that might at first sound like a good thing - what it really means is despite less diagnosis, there is no actual change in incidence. This could predict delay in diagnosis for over 18,000 patients in April alone. That is 18,000 people who don’t yet know they have cancer and will face a prognosis that is made much more challenging the longer they go without a diagnosis.

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